Now I have trod a thousand miles and cried a million tears
I’ve lived a life of much regret that’s filled with foolish fears
And wondered why the world is sad and so misunderstood
That sometimes in the long run we can’t tell the bad from good
Our God is in His heaven, He’s awaiting each one’s choice
What will it be we have chosen to exercise our voice ?
WRITTEN WHILE UNDERGOING CHEMO AT SLOANE KETTERING THIS AM
Now I’ve loved God my whole life through
Without my faith what would I do ?
The sum of all the good one does
And past visions of what once was
Are the reasons to carry on
When it appears all hope is gone
Let’s take a chance with one last try
Before time fades into goodbye !
Can you hear winter winds break through the trees
With frozen breath and chill, an instant freeze ?
I hear the crackling ice, it falls away
Reminds us weather changes day by day,
It sort of vacillates and jumps about
Exposing purpose, choice, free will and doubt.
So let us now our precious chances take
Pray God we’ve no more branches left to break !
Oh how I wish that we may speak
If I were strong and not so weak
And had a chance to beg the Lord
That we might be of one accord
Thus sleep with God and bird, may I
Perhaps one day grow wings and fly ?
There’s not a day that passes by
When each one’s dream may bid goodbye
There’s not a night without a star
Reminding us how near or far
The journey of our lives will be
In terms of our expectancy.
For we are here a short time all
Without control o’er win or fall
It is the Master of our fate
Who knows our exit and its date !
How much is it I loved you, like flowers loved the gentle rain
As soldiers loved the glory of those great battles won or gained
How can I explain God’s miracles and that which I’ve now learned
The fervor of His majesty into our hearts has been burned.
There is no other answer and to seek one would be in vain
For all we pray, we know there is not a chance we’ll meet again
I’ve promised you my darling, we shall not e’er run out of time
As long as you remember why and for whom we’ve been consigned !
Oh sad it was, too sad to bear
To live a life full of despair
Twas never meant to be a chain
To anchor one to fear or pain.
How simple all our lives might seem
And open to most sorts of dream
If only peace were there for free
For all life’s forms of slavery !
There is a land where dreams are made
In sunny glen and evening shade
Where every day contains a chance
Again to find life’s lost romance !
Perchance that hope might come to be
Some wish filled with sweet ecstacy
Wherein the heart that knew regret
Despite its pain, learned to forget !
Perhaps for those who’ve passed this way
Our Lord above has made delay
And metered out a final shot
To give it all this life has got !
When most of the darkness leaves us
And we are at last all alone
There’s no one left to deceive us
We are basic’ly on our own.
In the midst of our lifetime’s storm
When good sense and health have vanished
Imagine that this is the norm
And what’s left here has been banished.
When the new replaces the old
And life seems to have gone astray
Remember we once were that bold
But short of a permanent stay !
Morning shades of drab tans and gray
Are always getting in the way
Of peach and golds to shocking pinks
That welcome most as sunrise sinks.
Oh what I’d give at last to see
The rainbow this world used to be
Where all felt a great need to share
With those who chanced to visit there.
I’ve often wished that I might find
A fairy wand, the magic kind,
To do the job tales tell it can
And much improve the state of man !
There was this time when I was young
That many words tripped off my tongue
And as those dreams filled up my mind
The future was what I would find.
I used to wish that I could be
Some nice young man’s true destiny
It ne’er did happen I must add
Perhaps that made me rather sad.
Now as the road is winding down
I keep on smiling, seldom frown
So that my life can be pure bliss
Those dreams I’ve seen end with a kiss!
When we were young so long ago
Seems each one had places to go
Our world held opportunity
At least a million sights to see.
Before the young had dreams to share
Or found someone that truly cared
There was a path that each might take
Beside the promises they’d make.
In youth we’re prone to fool around
And fail to keep our feet aground
There’s always one more thing to do
Some song to sing or dragon slew
Rooftops to scale or mountains climbed
Oceans to cross with not much time
Hopes, schemes and plans, all praises sung
Tis sad gets wasted on the young !
I feel so empty deep inside
Like I’ve been on a rocket ride
Perhaps to Venus or to Mars
Out there in space among the stars.
Quite like the stranger I’ve become
To find myself grown cold and numb
Will someone help explain to me
Where shall I seek my destiny ?
Tis true that I would like to know
Which way the busy winds do blow
And how steep will the waves all be
Crashing in the cold winter’s sea ?
Will the tide come rushing ashore
Just as the moon rises once more
To greet its eventide asea
Amidst life’s crisis and debris ?
A little bird sat on the sill
He comes to visit me at will
I’m oh so glad that he stops by
He helps the lonely hours to fly
And sometimes when I’m extra sad
Reminds me of the joys I’ve had.
Once was when times were very young
And one by one our dreams were strung
Across the tethers of the heart
Love never got its break or start
Much like that little bird I see
Perhaps exists some chance for me !
I feel somehow a pending urge
As all my fears and passions merge
The path to seek a higher road
Henceforth to carry life’s great load
And find a place where each may rest
Before attempting life’s contest !
I’ve always known I was a child
Polite and kind, ne’er rude or wild
Perhaps that is the reason why
My passive nature gets me by.
I wish that I could gather strength
Pursue my dreams to greater length
What is it folks are fighting for
To curry favor, change decor ?
Now I have traveled very far
Across the seas, both ship and shore
My heart has weathered many storms
And travesties beyond the norm !
My curly hair that used to be
Has now begun deserting me
It is not washing down the drain
Just tired curling up again.
While fate has opened every door
To follow through or settle score
I wonder what may soon occur
And to what power I must defer ?
The hours too fast are speeding by
All clouded with both tears and sigh
Oh gracious Lord now hear my plea
My hope is to abide with Thee !
I hear the noise and feel your pain
It’s like we are at war again
We need your help, please if you can
From every woman and each man.
Reach out, reach out to help us start
To teach our children to impart
True common sense and caring ways
Into the sharing of their days.
Let all begin to try their best
To breach the wall, to pass the test
Give God the chance to teach us all
For without Him, we’re doomed to fall !
There is a chill pervades the air
One feels the wind rush up the stair
The smell of fall upon the breeze
Floats gently by, soft as you please
A silence bides there in the room
Akin to patience, not to gloom.
The moments pass unnoticed now
As signs of autumn show somehow
Slowly the leaves begin to change
From light to dark the colors range
We wait here on the edge of fate
Pray God our time is not too late !
I hung my heart out on a limb
And prayed someone would reel me in
I searched for love the way one should
And wound up lost in some vast wood.
I tried my hand at show and tell
And that did not go quite so well
I decided right then and there
I’d had enough of grief to spare.
And so I bought myself a book
Turned out that I was this great cook,
Love’s not what it’s cracked up to be
Seems business was my destiny !
Of all the wishes I have missed,
( Not least of all, Prince Charming’s kiss )
I feel that I have been misled
And pandered to by lies instead.
Tis sad that I’ve not yet to learn
Love’s not a passion one can earn
Most words of love that I have heard
Are spurious and quite absurd
But still I’m sure true love exists
Keep searching, know you must persist !
There is a faint sound that I hear
It keeps repeating in my ear
Is it a clock ticking away
Counting the minutes of each day ?
If I were smart then I would find
Some way to make all time unwind
So I might salvage years to keep
Those that I love safe from last sleep !
A minor thought does come to mind
Outside these walls what shall I find
A world that’s cruel and much unkind
The foolishness of dumb and blind,
Society that’s gone to waste
A place devoid of any taste
That flounders in unthinking haste
On ideals that are wicked based !
My heart is full, I hear it beat
I will not bow to man’s deceit
Hard to accept, the world’s so cruel
And feeds much fodder to the fool.
The more I see the more I learn
Perhaps we each may take a turn
It’s like a wheel of chance we play
We win or lose from day to day.
However fate’s not always kind
And justice is sometimes quite blind
Is there a path to help us win
Please find a way to let God in !
I know my life is not a dream
At times I simply want to scream
But God and I, we have a pact
There is no plan, it’s not exact.
So when my time seems overdue
And He decides that I am through
My usefulness on earth is done
For living is no longer fun.
When I accept that I’m bereft
And ashes are all I have left
Then is the time to close the book,
And with my heart take one last look !
Tomorrow is a promise that we make everyday
Believing that the morrow is always on its way
It’s our hope for the future and one that we all share
But for some, those tomorrows may never breathe the air
No guess that time or consequence or evidence show
How much of tomorrow each of us may ever know !
I’ve traveled wide across the sea
To feed my curiousity
I’ve been to lands so far away
In places that I chose to stay.
Along the ridges of the cliffs
Or edges of the ocean’s rifts,
The wonders that are ours to taste
Like cultures we must not erase
Fill this old world with magic spin
And beauty we may revel in,
With so much more that’s yet to come
In God’s expected new kingdom !
I want to know about my dreams
And if they fit into life’s schemes,
How are they meant to pave the way
To help me breach the last relay?
The vigil bell rings loud and clear
Declaring one sojourner here
The task is hard, perhaps too long
To reach God’s ears by evensong !
I’ve cast my lot upon the wind
Forgive me Lord, I know I’ve sinned
There is no time to come again
My visit soon must meet its end !
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Claire V. Bogdanos 